Through the night I had cramps that I knew all too well. I told myself just sleep through them you are fine. Everything is fine. As I cried myself back to sleep because I knew what that meant for me and the baby. Waking up I was relieved to see no blood and started to get a feeling like this time will be different, I start to prep for thanksgiving dinner that I was hosting, for a good 2 hours I was feeling joy and excitement, will it be a boy or a girl, how will the boys act. Then it happens, the wipe that change all of it. My heart sunk again. I couldn’t hold back my tears. I lost it I screamed at God I couldn’t believe this was happening to me again. why, why me, why why why. I wiped my tears and came back downstairs and finished prepping pretending everything was fine, but couldn’t I lost it in my husband’s arm. How am I supposed to tell my boys we lost a baby, how do you explain that to them.